The list

Maybe they are just some small issues. Maybe I shouldnt feel bad. Maybe it is ridiculous that I dont know how to face you. Maybe there are somethings you had done in the past are bad choices. Maybe I am just stubborn. That s me the girl you once loved.

I am not perfect either. I think a lot. I always make you upset in one way or the other. I am stubborn and sort of an idealist. But that's me, the girl you once loved.

I knew I needed some time, it s not becoz of the facts themselves. They are unimportant and they have passed. Its because the facts had added some distance between us. I didnt know how to face you and you didnt know how to face me. We were both very upset. And I didnt know how to make us both feel better. I am not a cheerful girl. Yes, that difficult girl is the girl you once loved

I needed some time. Thats all I know. I didnt even know how much time I need. I thought I had to live my life and see what will happen. I thought I will feel better after a nap. I went to sleep. I browsed around my room. I took a pair scissors and cut my hair.  I have short hair now(I never had short hair according to my memory). These are not normal. I still felt heartache. I still cried soundlessly all the time. I thought I really needed a good rest. I went to bed, my tears kept coming out and I couldnt sleep. I suddenly realised all my pains and crying werent becoz of what happened. It s because I missed you and the silence between us depressed me. I couldnt pretend I could stop loving you while I am very much loving you. The pictures of our past kept flasing in front of me and kept my eyes teary. It made me realise Ton never wants to forget Tin. That's me, the girl you once love.

I am not perfect. I am very difficult and complex. It s my turn to give you all the opportunities for you to change your mind about me. I dont need you to be 'perfect'. Coz in my mind, at this very moment you are still perfect despite everything. I finally realised it s true that perfection is subjective. Because I love you so and that makes me blind and biased. And I believe all a happy relationship takes is two people who are very much in love with each other. I just want to let you know. It s not what had happened in the past depressed me. It s the distance, silence and sadness it brought to us depressed me and made me feel powerless as I didnt know how to repair the crack, as I didnt know how to make us feel better. Maybe you wont check this blog anymore. Maybe your feeling has changed. Maybe you dont love me anymore. Maybe you dont want this anymore. I still hope I am the girl you love. I still hope I am in your to do list. And I only want to be in your list but no one else.
Loving you is the only item in my must do list.