A place just for it

The girl knew the guy did not do anything wrong. However, she couldn't help but feel heartbroken after they broke, she felt so painful that she said things she didn't mean to the guy. She was disappointed on how they ended she started to question the value of their relationship. Was it so easy for the guy to give it up? The girl understood it was the end of it. She just wanted to linger on it as long as she can.

The guy always gave more than he took in this relationship.

The girl went through the whole relationship from its very beginning and realised that the guy was a positive influence and she learnt a lot from him. The relationship will be preserved and put in a special place. She hopes the guy will do the same.

The Second Year After She Left

Things became a little bit complicated in the second year. The girl was less than a good girlfriend. She often compliant about the guy's non existent plan to hong kong. She was annoyed by repetitively being asked about her day. She knew she was wrong and she always felt bad about losing her temper. She knew that she was damaging their relationship yet she didnt know what she could do to repair it. At that time, the girl still love the guy very much. They still shared many common interests and views. But its difficult to be inseparable when two people were separated by time and distance. It is difficult to be understanding when they were both facing difficulties in their workplaces and in other aspects in life.

Being mature and responsible means getting the right things done. They both struggled in identifying the right things and getting them done. They are living in two completely different environments. Their lives are diverging with no overlap.

Yet the girl did not want to give up. What she has written on this blog does not reflect the full picture of her relationship. Her relationship with him was far more than that. It was something that she wanted to retain at any cost. So precious that she did not want to give it up even there were compelling reasons show that they should break.

It hurt her so much when he decided to end the relationship she had been holding tightly.

She tried to calm down and hide from any thing or moment which reminds her of him. She succeeded at first until she realized that she would forget about the substances of this relationship if she continues to neglect those substances. Having all the details and substances of the relationship in mind pains her so much. But she did not want to let any bit go. She knew things she values so much today will lose their value with time increases.

The guy had been treating her well. He tried very hard to maintain their relationship. It was not easy for him to do most of the work in this relationship. He wrote letter to the girl every week, composed poem to her in 100 consecutive days,he was always supportive and cheerful, he always tolerate the girl’s outbursts and he did everything to show his love and care. The girl knew those things all along.

After She Left

She left Melbourne reluctantly to Hong Kong. She had no idea how they would continue their relationship, nor did she know where their relationship was heading. They tried very hard to keep each other close and share every bit in their lives with each other. They were confident and full of faith. The guy wrote letter to the girl every week without exception. They also spent quality time on phone and on msn everyday. They trusted each other and knew there was a special place for them both in their hearts. The guy was still in his final year of Laws in melbourne when the girl started working and taking exams. The differences in their lives are not too many, not too big at first.

Before She Left

Almost three years ago when they were both university students. The guy and the girl met the first time in the last tutorial of a subject. It was a warm afternoon in Melbourne. Soon after that, they went on a date. It wasnt exactly a date according to the girl. It was too spontaneous, too comfortable and too extraordinary comparing to a date. The girl saw many good qualities in the guy on the first date. To start off, the guy was gentle and kind. He would listen to stranger on the street patiently. He was also fun and flexible. They went to various places, ranging from cinema to video store, first hand book shop to second hand book shop. They walked around the shopping mall for several times without feeling bored of it. The guy was also smart and knowledgeable. The girl could tell from their conversations. Unavoidably, she crushed on the guy immediately on the first date.

And it was her first crush.

On their third date, the guy took the girl to a bar called Robot and they started the relationship. It was too quick for the girl. The girl didnt see that coming and there were many unanswered questions and unresolved issues. For instance,
1) What does he see in her?
2) Does he know that we have cultural differences? and how do we solve it?
3) Is he serious?
4) Is it too fast?
etc
The girl was very happy about the starting-a-relationship idea though. She might not know the answers to the above questions. All she knew was she really liked the guy and really enjoyed being with him.

It was a quick start followed by months of heating up. They knew each other better and better as time increases. After almost a year, the girl realized that she didn't like the guy, instead she loved the guy, the guy who handed out roses with her to strangers on rainy day, the guy who suddenly showed up with coffee early in the morning, the guy who taught her many new things and opened her eyes, the guy who was so patient and kind to his students, family members and friends... There are whole lot more reasons to be told...

But she had to leave Melbourne for good.

The End of the Beginning

It happened on a random day of a random week, they decided and agreed to break. Maybe it was because of the distance, maybe it was because of being tied to a person whom they dont share a future with. Maybe they were both very tired from all the difficulties in life. Maybe they felt guilty for not offering their best effort in maintaining the relationship.

Anyway, they broke.

The girl went through cycles of trying to forget and savoring the past in the past one and a half month. She understood the reason of the break yet she did not want to accept it. As the break is the living evidence of the death of something she cherishes. To her, the guy is the best boyfriend in the world and he is the only person she invited into her world. To her, it was more than a relationship she had with the guy. She cherishes every detail of it.

It was, and still is, painful for both of them. After all, there were a lot to give up. Not only they will have to accept the fact that they will go on different journeys,they will also have to let go all the beautiful memories they made together. Living on with those beautiful memories without each other's presence is beyond painful. Even they intend to keep those memories. The feeling and the nature of those memories will be changed with time.

No feelings and memories can last forever. The girl knows it very well and she wants to do this relationship justice by preserving the truth before the substances in this relationship fade away.

The girl decided to stretch out as far as she can to grab as many feelings and thoughts as possible before their feelings turn sour and they turn away from each other.

All she needs is to mourn over the end of a phase.

For you (though not worthy of you)

Ton's messy day

Night 17 (Part II)

Sweet Sweetheart, you are so capable, going all the way to the airport youself. I hope you are packed and everything goes smoothly. It is bad that it's raining so heavily though. Get plenty of rest on the plane if you can Sweetheart, although it can be hard. Maybe they will have some decent movies to keep you entertained. I forgot to ask if you will be transitting somewhere (unacceptable), but I hope it's not too long. You will be home soon, although I'm sure you will miss Europe a bit too. I miss you dearly Sweetheart. I will speak to you soon precious. Gnight sweetheart, ya talk to you today/tomorrow laters alligators. I love you Sweetheart.

night 16

dear darling, it s raining heavily now. I am leaving today. From bro's place to heathrow takes 3 hours. I am going to take a cab to the station and then take the bus to the airport. Bro is out to the theme park with his frens. I told him i could manage. Anyways, darling my flight is 10pm. Anyways, darling, i miss you. loves, ton

Night 17 (Part I)

Sweetheart, when will you be arriving in HK my sweet? Hahaha Sweetheart's shopping was unavoidable. But the table and the desk sound really wicked! It sounds like you are going to be living in a Charles Dickens type house. My Tonliver Twist. Especially the desk, i like how you described it about having to pull it down to have a surface to write on. I think I know what desk you are talking about- its pretty awesome. How will you get that back to HK? I remember reading that Bath is quite historical too (I think it was from Mansfield Park (Jane Austin (*Ton feels sick hearing the author's name))). I can't believe there's a restarant called that! I laughed when I saw it. There is a restaurant called Ton Ton, inside my heart- and it's always full. There is only one seat there, and it's always occupied by you. The book sounds fascinating Sweetheart. I love Sweetheart's analysis. I could listen to you talk about it all day, and be perfectly happy. I believe what you say about the details too. They make things worthwhile. The big picture can often be sad I think, so we have to find happiness and strength in the little things. He must capture feelings really well in South of the Border. He does it well in his other novels too. Like you said, he must be very observant. I'll try to take more candies from my experiences. I must pay even more attention to all the ways you are so breath-taking. About the red wall, it's still random! I would have preferred a life-size picture of you my love. You always have me sweetheart. And you make me not feel lonely. I'm so happy nothing has changed. I'm forever yours Precious. I look forward to talking to you.

night 15(part 2)

dear darling, i am still waiting at home. But it s alright i am not hungry anyway. Darling, i am leaving tomorrow. I feel it has been so long..... this trip is too long i guess..i hope darling doesnt feel i am too far away from you... nothing has changed, i am still the ton who loves you very much~

Tin Tin~

night 15

Dear darling, Today i went to Bristol alone it s so far away. Unfortunately the weather wasnt as sgreat as yesterday's. It was gloomy and rainy. Despite that, it was quite fun. I went to Bath too!! Compare to Bristol, Bath is more historical(?). There are a lot of melb-uni type(old law building, old art, trinity college) type of buildings in bath. I love it there. So beautiful~ Hmmm about bristol, i didnt do much there. There s not much to see there actually. Just a big shopping complex nearby.. so... unavoidably.... i blame it to fate... ton shopped....i bought a clock(for my new home) and a set of coffee cups(from house of frasers... they have sales everywhere), a dress, a vest, a book and a hairdressing clip... i saw a half table(those tables we place it beside the entrance, that s what they called it... i only know it today), it is so so so beautiful!! 100% wood(some modern ones arent....) and the colour is not artificial wood colour! it s some nice wood the table is selling for 48 pounds only.. i had a hard time to walk away from it....and the writing desk next to it is nice too..... you know... the ancient time type writing desk... and it is in a very very good condition....... $58 only...i really wanted them... i am missing them now...you know those writing table you need to pull down the thing in order to have the 'surface' to write... it is so beautiful... i remember i saw it in movies.... >.< sorry for mumbling about random things.... you know how old school your girlfriend is...anyways today was fun too~ now i am waiting for bro to go out to have dinner with me~ compare to bristol, i like oxford better, maybe it s because there are more 'old things' there. I am glad that darling is having his holidays~ finally he can relax~ I have just finished south of the border. Again it is inevitably nice.... and it s a short book, so i can keep up with all the details... somehow... i think murakami was writing about himself... hmmm i am inspired actually... his writing is very influencing, it s all about his choice of words i guess, he knows which word to use to covert feeling(feeling is imaginative and he succeeds to express it to us, in other words, he has the ability to make feelings solid.. sorry i dont know what i am talking about hahhaha) I am inspired by his ability to convert feeling and imaginative things into something solid and reserve the whole meaning in the process. I guess only a very sensitive person is able to do that. It s either a gifted talent or a person's sensitivity could be enhanced. I am trying to pay more attention to things around me. And it s been fun to see thing with attention. Life is dull and boring if we ignore all the details and focus only on the so called broad picture. The fun part is all in the details. An incident has happened and different people take it in different way. The incident stays the same, it s like a bottle full of candies(you can see who made this example), the amount of candy we get out of the bottle is all up to us, whether we make the most out of it or just leave the whole bottle untouched is totally depend on each taker's personal perspective. A person who pays attention to the details more is making the most out of whatever he/she is going through, so he/she is the one who takes more candies according to this example. What i am trying to say is, we all can be sensitive and own the ability to express our feelings better to the others(how cool is it? making another human being understand us completely, a lot of murakami's writing is about loneliness, i guess a lot of novels are about this dreadful topic too) Anyways, i am not lonely~ i have darling~ i hope darling find the same too... sorry for keep going on and on... you know how i need to get things out of my system when i finish something... otherwise i will keep thinking about it.... btw, red wall!! your bro wants a russian style home? hahahaha i cant believe your parents agreed to red wall... my parents wont do that i guess hahahha bon night sweet dreams talk to you today/tomorrow laters helicopters i love you darling

Night 16 (III)

Also, you are in England during the Wimbledon Tennis championships!!!!You.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I have to content my self to watch it on TV. I miss you dearest. Rest like the true love I know you are.

Night 16 (Part II)

Dearest Sweetheart, how has your been so far precious? I hope it was as enjoyable as yesterday. Today was pretty relaxed for me, I read some more of the Justice Game and went over some Crimes Against Humanity too at the library, trying to get a better understanding of how everything works. Some of our house was being painted today, some random cherry red colour that my parents wanted on one wall. I don't know where my parents got the idea to do that! The whole house is white/pale colour, and the lounge room wall is suddenly red. I bet my brother had something to do with it! I was so absorbed i didn't finish watching the rest of Ponyo- hopefully tomorrow. I was thinking how the best Uni for you sweetheart is PrinceTON. Or maybe it is OxTon. Will you have much packing to do Sweetness? Can you fit all your sweetnes in the bags? Sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet Sweeton. I hope you have experienced all the best of London, but I bet there is still more to see. It looks like every street is full of history. Did you ride the double-decker bus? I look forward to having Sweetheart back. Gnight Sweetheart, ya talk to you today/tomorrow laters alligators. I love you Precious.

Night 16 (Part I)

Sweet sweet, I miss you too lovelet. The people are so friendly! That's really awesome. It's always so surprising and nice when others are kind to us. Haha the security guard is funny! You are the prettiest ton! You know, this is the perfect situation to go about shoplifting. No one will suspect you sweetheart! The world will be your shopping centre. Oxford sounds like a lot of fun. That's so sweet you sent a postcard sweetness. I have to go to the city on wednesday so I will check the mailbox while I am there, hopefully it will be there. I'm glad your back to great health sweetheart. You can enjoy the rest of your time. I'm happy secretly that Sweetheart will be returning soon. :-*

night14 part 2

darling i am disappointed by the carlton match too. Afterall darling likes carlton and i am ton... darling, how was golf? i bet it was fun~ darl darl darl darl darl darl darling~ tin tin tin tin tin tin tin~ do you know i miss you crazily? i am going back on 28 and will arrive there on 29~ darling will you go back to uni?actually... i did send a postcard to you in italy... i hope you will get it bon night sweet dreams talk to you today/tomorrow laters helicopters i love you tin tin

night 14

darling i am fully recovered now~ today i went to oxford alone the bus trip was 3 hour. It was so fun. I love the feeling of being alone in some strange place. People are very nice there. I was wearing bro's sweater(he told me it would be cold...) but in oxford it s very hot there. So i simply bought a shirt there and changed it in the toilet. When I came out from the toilet i still didnt button up properly(as it was a toilet in a car park.. no people there) the toilet worker came in.. I was shocked coz he is a male.. then he saw the security thingy was still attached on my shirt.. he went : ohhh that... and i explaned : ohh, i just bought it, i think they forgot to take it off.. he went: i didnt say anything, you look too nice to be a thief, come here let me get rid of it for you, otherwise you will be in big trouble to walk around with that... then he searched some tool to get it off for me. And i was going to throw that thing away but he told me to keep it for memory. I said thanks to him and told him i will remember him. After that, i fooled around in the university city. The whole city is the university. I was holding a cam on my hand and taking pictures. People sometimes offered me taking pictures of me. I was so glad~ When I was about to head to the station, there s two girls asked me whether they can take a picture with me, I thought I heard it wrong. But ya, we took a pic together with their cam and we used my cam to take one too~ they told me they are from southern america, they are so nice~ Then in the station, i couldnt find the bus (no bus number... so i dont know which stop i should go) a person said : ni hao to me and i asked him about the bus stop, he walked me to the stop at the end. I was glad that i met all the nice people today. Thats the fun part of travelling, meeting different people. It s better than imagine to encounter the unexpected kindness from total strangers

Night 15 (Part III)

dearest Sweetheart, how has your day been lovely? I hope you are back to great health and having fun dearest. Carlton lost today...we were supposed to have won the match, so it was a shock. But still, I won. Do you know why deary peachlet? I watched the first part of Ponyo today, it was soo awesome. I'll finish the rest tomorrow. Sweetheart, when will you be arriving back in HK? Hope the rest of your stay is really fun sweetheart and you have an enjoyable time. Rest well sweetheart. Gnight sweetheart, ya talk to you today/tomorrow laters alligators. I love you dearest.

Night 15 (Part II)

Sweet sweet, are you feeling a little better now? I hope dinner was fun and you are back to sweet health. What will you with the remainder of your time in London Sweetness? I'm just going to the football now Sweetheart- Carlton is playing. I wish they win, but in the end I win, because I have you. The greatest prize. I miss you dearest Sweetheart. :-*, I hope you keep reading the tiny book along with south of the border. Everything in the book is still so true. My wondrous Sweetheart.

Night 15 (Part 1)

Dearest Sweetheart, you are not feeling well still? Please rest well my sweet. Maybe the quality of the food at the place wasnt so good compared to the Italian food you had had recently. I hope you feel better after the rest my love. Rest your lovely head on that lucky pillow. Everything is ok on myside sweetness, just the usual stuff sometimes. It's ok you didn't have any grand adventure or anything sweetheart. I just want to hear the things you like, anything that made you laugh or smile or surprised. So I can find out how to keep a smile on your pretty face. I miss you dearest. Please take care of yourself. Forever yours, Ti*.